Thursday, May 24, 2012

5 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!

5.... More......Days!!! I can't even fathom how close we are to the end. But, it's really starting to hit me. I couldn't wait to finally get out of here, but now that it's getting down to it, I'm really sad to leave. I've cried more the past week than I have this entire year. All these emotions are hitting me all at once and I don't know what's happening to me!! Seriously, yesturday, I just burst into tears after I realized that it was my last class with one of my dearest teachers. She said some really good things to all of us and just apologized for anything mean or nasty she'd said during the year. At the point, I don't know what happened, but the next thing I knew there were tears streaming down my face and I was in a kind embrace. All I have to say is, Thank you, Ms. Windom. I'm hoping this new emotional me is not a permanent thing! I hate crying in front of people and it makes me so frustrated that people have to see me like this. So, I'm sorry for appearing so weak. I'll try to keep it together for the next 5 days... then it's all gonna come out at the end haha! Here's to hoping I can hold it together!

These next few days are going to be tough. We've got the dress rehearsal today for 6 hours and then 4 performances this weekend, which would be lovely, but it turns out that my back is still hurting and now I feel like I have a cracked rib. I'm just falling apart at the seams!! First the stupid emotions, and now the terrible back pain and excruciating rib. I've never been like this before. Never once have I been injured (knock on wood) and it just feels like everything is coming on at once. But, I'll just have to suck it up for the next few days and get this all over with!

5. I'm truly going to miss taking class with the professional company in the mornings. I haven't taken this class in awhile because I'm desperately trying to finish up my last semester of high school, but I had the greatest time, and the most intimidating time, taking class with all the professional dancers in the mornings. It was cool just to be able to observe them warming up before class and to see how they move with the music and interpret the combinations. They all seem so put together and sure of themselves, while I was always huddling in the back of the room, trying not to get in anyone's way. I've never felt like I am just so sure of myself like they do. I'm always worried about making everything perfect and making sure I don't mess up a combination. I look up to them in that they have a certain confidence in their work. I can only hope that one day I will actually feel good about my dancing and be able to put it out there like they do, instead of having to worry about doing everything right all the time. I'm going to miss the atmosphere in the studio at 9 o clock in the morning. It's so much different than walking into the studio with all your student buddies. In the company class, it just seems more relaxed, but at the same time, you know everyone is there to work and to not goof around, which is one of my biggest pet peeves in ballet class. I hate when people just talk and mess around like they aren't paying thousands of dollars in tuition to be there. It's nice to be in a class where everyone around you is responsible and is there for a focused purpose. I loved being able to work with the company teachers and I especially enjoyed performing with the company this year. While most of them don't really correct you during class, it's always a good feeling when you are noticed by them and get to hear what they have to say. It makes you feel important. I'm really going to miss the company classes and the company, thank you for a wonderful year.

I don't know if this one is entirely possible, but I really want to go to a drive in movie theater this summer. The only drive in I have ever been to in in Driggs, Idaho, and the reason I don't think this one is possible is because I don't believe my family has any intention of driving up there this summer. Bummer... Idaho is seriously one of my favorite places in the world. The small towns, the Grande Tetons, all of my relatives that live there, the horses and the snow machining. I've had some truly unforgettable times in Idaho. Every time we go visit, we always make time to go watch a movie at the drive in. It may seem pretty lame, but there is just something spectacular about climbing up on top of the car, cuddling in a pile of blankets, tuning your radio to the right station and enjoying the huge screen in the Idaho summer chill. Usually it doesn't even matter what movie is playing because you usually end up not even watching anyway. You get too carried away laughing and telling stories with all the people you went with, and that's the best part. You know you have amazing friends when you drive away from the theater and you don't even know what the movie was about. My plan of action is to find the nearest drive in theater and beg everyone I know to come with me and watch a movie, regardless of how far away it is. I just need to go to one!! For the sake of all my good memories and for the sake of my Idaho obsession, I simply must go.
This is The Spud; aka the greatest place on earth. I miss you, dear Spud!

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